It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize