Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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