you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The uberlube is also flammable
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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