I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
