I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize