Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
