dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
