Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
