So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize