just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
