i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she peed on how many people?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
