I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
