Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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