Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
