Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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