how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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