Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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