if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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