I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
