She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
