...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
