break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
