i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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