dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
