Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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