Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
