The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
