Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
