How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish my penis had a tongue
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You left your phone here
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