Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want nice things and good sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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