Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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