If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize