She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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