i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
