I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
