i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
