my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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