separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
