K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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