I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize