I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
