I wish I could teleport
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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