I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What a dumb baby whore.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
