4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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