Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
