Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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