just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
