oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
