i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
