he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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