im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
