We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
