yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
