The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
