Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
