mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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