So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize