Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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