everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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