do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
