Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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