if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
