I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
