Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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