Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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