I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
