Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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