My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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