One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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