Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
