You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
