Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
