Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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