The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
