I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
