At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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