don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize