I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
