Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
