I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
