I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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