i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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