ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
