Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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