it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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