Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
