i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
