Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
