in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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