I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
