Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
