so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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