She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
