a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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