He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
only if we run a train.
done.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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